Reason 1: You don't mature relationally
If the Dr. told someone you loved that they needed to lose 50lbs or they'd become diabetic. What if they told you they started spending hours and hours weekly praying for the weight to come off?
Undoubtedly ifyou love them, you'd tell them that, after they prayed, they need to get up and go exercise ... a REAL, actionable practice that is directly related to weight loss.
For years I avoided dating like the plague. Dealing with men was a source of fear and frustration. Like many of you, I said "whenever the time comes, God will do it." In other words, "whatever fate befalls me in dating, so be it." I dismissed myself from any remote opportunity to grow in this area.
I thought I'd already "been there" and "done that" enough with men and heartache. Afterall, I didn't want to become "tainted" goods.
Because I was so "hidden in God" and protected at church, I figured that when my I.B.M. (ideal black man) appeared, I'd be ready to receive him EASILY! After all, I was at the church every time the doors opened getting my spirit in order. I would recognize my Boaz and be ready. Right?!?!?????
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
You can be spiritually full and relationally bankrupt!!!!
Just like the person praying to lose 50lbs with no exercise or eating changes, we do the same thing as it relates to dating. We prepare for the new realationship we're praying for by putting all of our attention somewhere TOTALLY different.
No matter how spiritually fed and full you are, if you're relationally bankrupt, you will continue to produce the same heartache over and over again. Then the first piece of a man that comes along saying the right things, a.k.a. a church player, will sweep you off your feet and leave you in the dust!!
I met a guy that very closely resemble my God-ordained I.B.M. - "the one." He was seemingly everything I'd dreamed up as it relates to my own personal Boaz. He said all the right things and made (or didn't make) all of the right moves. He was a very decent man and undoubtedly a man of God! This was right and good, FINALLY!!!
But because I was relationally bankrupt, I missed all of the signs that this man wasn't ready. Our relationship was riddled with uncertainty, immaturity, unhealthy attachment, unreasonable expectations ... on BOTH my end and his. If I'd wisely invested my "wait" time by preparing instead of clicking my ruby heels hoping that God would work a miracle, things would've definitely gone another way.
We may have been married by now OR we may have never dated at all. There were CLEARLY issues on his end, but I can't speak on that. However on my end, because I FATED instead of WAITED, our relationship was turmultous, and the break-up became the most devastating, life-altering, heart-heartache I'd ever experienced.
Reason 2: You're not dating or waiting the right way.
If your testimony is that you're "waiting on God," as a relates to men and relationships, wait the way God intended.
Wait by preparing.
Wait by dealing with your heart's horizontal relationship-related issues.
Wait by renewing your mind toward men.
Wait by making peace with your past....and it doesn't happen by just saying, "oh I'm over that." You only seem to be "over it" because you're avoiding it by any means necessary!!
The very moment a man comes back into your life and close to your heart, all of those old "hissues" (him+issues) will resurface.
Don't be guilty of "missing" him or expecting God to do ALL the work. Even if He sends him, you will mishandle the relationship because you haven't waited or dated appropriately. As a matter of fact, you probably won't even recognize him.
Reason 3: You Don't have Naomi.
We all know the iconic Bible story about Boaz and Ruth and it is most Christian women's dream: to be found working in God's field by the "Man'd of Gowdt."
*INSERT SCREECHING TIRES*
Pump your brakes, sis, pump your brakes. Let's not forget the 3rd character in that story. And don't go getting all churchy on me saying "GOWDT was the 3rd character!!"
Prior to Ruth EVER meeting or seeing Boaz, she had Naomi, a wise woman with whom she latched on to for direction and advice who'd already "been there" and "done that" .
The Bible says in Ruth 1:14 (NLT) ~ "But Ruth clung tightly to Naomi."
And so I say to you: Hello Ruth, I'm your Naomi!
I finally waited the right way and in doing so, I took notes and developed opportunities for me to work with you to add some ACTION to your faith.
I can help you prepare the RIGHT way for the relationship you want with the man of your dreams, within the will of God. Its a lot more to it than maintaining your sexual purity (though that is a part of it) and becoming spiritually mature.
You can join every singles group, go to every singles conference, travel and serve around the world...AND YOU SHOULD!! But if you're going to be better prepared when Jesus sends "that" man, you will HAVE to devote intentional time to doing something other than fating....waiting on that miracle man from God to come out of no where.
I created a program to address the dilemma of "fating" that SO MANY single, Christian women have. Many Christian women who are still single have followed one of 3 paths:
a) They've waited on God, prayed for a mate, got with a "Mannuh Gowd' who said and did all the right things (and a few of the wrong) only to discover that he was a Church Player; a worldly man who preys on Church women. She gets her heart broken and he gets a notch on his playa belt.
b) They wait on God, prayed for a mate, got with a "Mannuh Gowd" who said and did all the right things, married him to avoid sexual temptation or a myriad of other unhealthy reasons people marry. They then find themselves CLUELESS as to how to deal with a man... other than knowing how to cook, clean and have sex. The marriage becomes mundane, abusive, unhealthy or toxic and before you know it, you see her at church and don't see him anymore; or vise versa. And depending on their doctrine, the couple stays separated (sometimes under the same roof) for years OR they eventually divorce.
c) They wait on God and pray for a mate, a good, Godly man comes along but because of her fears, the influence of those around her, a misinterpretation of being "unequally yoked," etc she doesn't even recognize that HE is the one God has sent. She dismisses him only to retreat back to her corner wondering "Lord oh Lord, when will you send my mate?" And the most concerning part about the woman that falls into this category is, she's probably reading this and saying, "thats not me" or "hmm, none of these apply to me." If you're saying that, THIS is probably you.
There are many variations of these paths but I think you get my point... women who THINK they've waited the right way, only to find themselves still single, growing in disappointment and becoming more and more hardened toward men. Though I didn't marry (I almost did in the past), I've been in some form of each of those relationships. It wasn't until I stopped FATING, that I experienced any relationship success.
"I'm just waiting on God" you say...and there's nothing wrong with that but I sincerely ask:
IS GOD WAITING ON YOU?!?!?!?
...waiting on you to prepare, to deal with your "hissues", to handle your hesitations, etc. YOU THINK because you're maturing spiritually, you've attended multiple singles conferences, you're active in the singles ministry and you know every scripture about marriage that everything will fall into place. That's not a guarantee. There is something for you to do.
Click here to learn more about how I can help you wait the right way, with integrity and intentionality. Don't be like that 3rd servant with the talents and neglect YOUR duty during your waiting process and completely miss the blessing God has prepared for you.