I Promised I Wouldn't Tell Q&A

January 3, 2017

WELCOME!  You've probably come here after reading my Jay'O Speaks interview in No Compromise Magazine.  Where he vividly details his personal experience with God's redemption and homosexuality.  If you haven't read it, I suggest you go grab the January Issue now.  CLICK HERE.


The conversation with Jay was powerful and lengthy.  So I decided to do a Q & A blog post detailing the rest of our conversation. 


I was really hesitant and cautious on how I approached the Q&A. It is a HUGE misconception that all Christ-followers are afraid of or hate gays.  I TOTALLY believe what the Bible says about homosexuality being a sin and at the same time, I wanted to be respectful and P.C.  I'm also a very curious interviewer who asks radical questions. 


When I explained all of my caution to Jay, he told me to be free and just ask my questions. So I jokingly said, “So what made you gay? Was it the “black room”, something else or none of those at all?”  We laughed at my blunt delivery and elementary questioning but he responded:


“With homosexuality being a spiritual attack, I don’t think one can identify when it happened.  I don’t think there’s a button (an on/off switch).  With it definitely being devised from Satan, I believe it is something that happens over time.  One thing Satan is that we are not is patient. He plays the long game as opposed to the short game.  So I don’t think it was JUST the back room. I think that played a big part in it.  I think it’s all how I looked at it, how my life was presented to me and how I responded to it.  I think if I had counseling to talk me through certain points, then maybe I would have looked at certain things [differently]… For example, now I look at my adoption as a blessing, I’ve met my birth family and my siblings and I realize what all God spared me from. But [back] then I didn’t see it.” 


In short, Jay doesn’t think there was just specific point when it happened, rather a series of layered events both tangible and intangible that created and reinforced this attraction.  Jay mentioned that many of the gay men he met in college and the military all had similar experiences.  Not that they were adopted but that they resisted this lifestyle and this spirit until they finally just conceded to it's relentlessness.  He says:


They had that resistance; they didn’t want to be like that but its as though they felt they had no other choice.  They grew to accept it.  I did a little research here and there and people say that resistance is just [pressure from] society but I feel like its deeper than its a violation of a societal norm.  It’s not like I ran a red light or didn’t file taxes last year it’s not one of those types of things.  It’s bigger than that.  It’s bigger than a social norm.  I can’t agree with them when they say that society has conditioned people to resist it.  Its a violation of natural law, God's natural law, and that creates the resistance."



So my questions continued…



ReadyResetGROW!:  How much, if any, of homosexuality is about the sex?


JAY:  Sex is such an intimate thing given by God. I feel that it’s birthed out of a soul tie since that was my first sexual encounter. It’s a matter of attaching a face to a feeling. You know it’s wrong but you’ve attached this person to that good feeling. In my case, at a young age it’s hard to distinguish these differences.


ReadyResetGROW!:  What can the church do to effectively minister to homosexuals?


JAY:  Because there are no precise solutions in church to deal with this, people coddle them.  Gays come to the church for refuge but their issue is never dealt with. The church needs to get back to helping the believer in their various identity crises.   It was sound teaching that brought an understanding of who God is to me that helped me most. 


A lot of churches aren’t meeting these needs of the people.  Which is why a lot of people are tossed to and fro with unsound doctrine.  We are just going on with the routines and not really meeting the people’s deepest needs. People are keen to follow Black Lives Matter because they see change but the church is stagnant.  I admire Martin Luther King, Jr. and I love that he wasn’t only a radical changer, he was a pastor and the people who marched weren’t just protestors, they were THE CHURCH MEMBERS! 


ReadyResetGROW!:  What is your advice to someone in your former lifestyle?




ReadyResetGROW!: What does “seek God” mean?


JAY:   It’s not a self-help book to read or thing to do;  it’s about consistently trying to go after God  despite the obstacles. Some people seek for years but the same way you’d seek help for your sick child or trying to get out of the rain, don’t give up. God will take away those things away in due time. I believe there’s an order that God wants to take those things away from you.


At one point, I thought that homosexuality is the biggest thing I had to face, until I had to start dealing with other things such as pride and a much deeper identity crisis. Homosexuality was all I saw but God showed me there were many roots.


I realize now that God kept me for a reason, through the fragility of my childhood I knew that there had to be a redemption piece. I started to become intrigued with Christ’s purpose for me being here.


I would’ve been ok if I’d become asexual I just wanted to know Christ better. I couldn’t really experience life until I experienced death; since I thought I was dying after sex with the HIV positive guy. It’s a hard question to ask but I had to really ask [myself] why should God deliver me?


It’s not a step 1, step2, it’s to seek God with all your heart.


The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.”Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.”


Once you acknowledge that homosexuality is not right, you realize why you need God for deliverance; that’s when He flushes everything out.  He begins to remove the desire, to remove the debris and the more you get in Him the less it is in you. I always say you didn’t jump into this lifestyle overnight and you won’t jump out of it. I’ve had a lot of people inbox me and though it sounds harsh, I really can’t coach people through it because I don’t know how God is going to bring them out. 


I feel like he had to bring me out strategically because there were so many questions that I had.  I think that is what the Bible means when it says “Search and try your ways.” (Lamentations 3:40) Because it IS your way or answer that you need to feel confident to move forward. It’s like if someone says you’re an amazing painter, you should paint. But if you don’t see yourself as an amazing painter, you won’t do it. I feel like that’s why God has to deal with us individually…  for us to see it for ourselves. Seeking God involves reading, challenging yourself to get the answers to those questions, praying about those things that you feel are pivotal…those pin points in my timeline that created this disaster in my life.  You have to heal in those areas to really be full in Christ. It IS hard to try to counsel someone through it.



As Jay continued his journey, he began to feel that that God was really calling Him into a life of holiness; not just to be straight.  Homosexuality was only one of many issues that came to the surface as he grew closer to God.  He specifically said God asked him, “Do you want something from me or are you really with me.” 


WOW! What if God asked you, no matter what you’re seeking him for, “Do you just want what I can do for you or do you really want Me?”  That’s a tension that I feel every Christian should live in; balancing our soul’s consumeristic nature with the integrity of why we follow Christ in the first place.  That changed his perspective…it became less about the release of homosexuality and more about the pursuit of Christ and diving fully into the will of God for his life…which will never contradict His Word.   



I learned SO MUCH from this interview with Jay.  I imagine it’s going to be a controversial one but the entire January issue of No Compromise Magazine is designed to shake people out of their comfort zones with radical stories of deliverance, persistence, etc. If it angered you or made you uncomfortable, I encourage you to, as the word says in Ecclesiastes 7:14, “in times of adversity, consider: God made the one as well as the other so people won't seek anything outside of his best” Sometimes that discomfort, is not ‘a hater’ hating…sometimes its God trying to capture your attention to reveal a new part of himself and his will so that you can live a life of His VERY BEST for you. 

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